I've been thinking today. Well, that's nothing really new but I've been thinking again in a way that I haven't for some time. I was driving home this afternoon and listening to NPR and this is the story I heard. A woman in a village in Darfur, under attack. All the women with infants and young children told to line up and show (the gender of) their babies. All male children were shot on the spot and all females were thrown to the ground. If they survived that the mothers were permitted to retrieve them. This particular woman had a girl baby who survived but her grandmother stood next to her with a male child, whom she refused to show the militants. Both grandmother and child were murdered. Another woman, 8 month pregnant. Gang raped by 5 or 6 men. Going through labor and giving birth to a dead child and then disowned by her husband. A 17 year old, raped. Disowned by her family and literally the clothes off her back taken and sold. Seeks refuge in a camp where she is again raped and becomes pregnant. The rain on the windshield mirrored the tears on my cheeks as I wept as I haven't wept for a long time for the suffering and hatred that I feel so helpless to aleviate.
I felt such empathy as I imagined in my mind the experience of watching my infant be murdered or thrown to the ground right before my eyes. I felt such guilt for the life of luxury I live and for ever feeling like my life is hard. I am ashamed that I have ever complained because we can't afford a second car, can't put in the pond and the lawn, and the orchard. Can't afford to pay for music and sports lessons. Ashamed that I had so quickly forgotten the gratitude I felt when I went to India 10 years ago and vowed to live simply and use the excess for the benefit of others. I know why the scriptures remind us so often to remember, remember.
I have always wanted to be a mother and I love my children very much but as a child I also had big dreams. I wanted to be a physicist and understand the mysteries of the universe. I wanted to be the first female President of the United States and create a "more perfect union". I wanted to be a lawyer and defend all those wrongly accused and to seek justice. I wanted to go into medical research and find a cure for cancer and diabetes. In recent years as I speak to others about my desires to make the world a better place, the common refrain is that, "The best thing you can do right now is to raise your children well." And while I don't discredit the importance of motherhood I wonder... First, are we doing a good enough job raising our children today and second, is it enough?
How are our children going to transform this world if we don't show them how to do it?
Well, I must get back to my child rearing. I will post another entry and complete my thoughts soon.
8 comments:
ahhhhhhhhhh, you're speaking from my heart Reni!!! I feel this so often and yet, as you pointed out, we forget sooo quickly. I don't have any answers, other than that I DO feel how we raise our kids is the most critical thing at this point, but I think how we raise them can include many things - in particular how we as their parents live and lead by example. But that's hard too, I find. Henry and I talk often about being rich (or not being rich for us), what exactly are needs and what are wants, and if we've living too lavishly. We find it hard at times to know how moderate we ought to be and if we could maybe do with even less (no car, and bikes only? etc.). by now we've decided that our most important guiding principle should be why we seek what we seek. If it is to help others, serve Heavenly Father, serve and improve our family then it's ok if we can afford it. If it's, however for selfish reasons, or not do really serve someone or make anything better, then...we need to be very careful with what we get and how much money we spent.
I don't think we'll ever be freed though of the nagging feeling in our hearts that we can and should do more. As Christ said, the poor and sick are always with us, and we will always have to reflect and ask ourselves whether we're doing enough to serve them. And I doubt that whatever we do will ever be enough.
you make me proud that I'm your mother. you are one great lady.
Wow, Reni, you really made me think! I do agree that raising our children in the best way possible is our responsibility if we have children but maybe once the children are older and able to take care of themselves we should and can do more! What that more is exactly is different for every person and something I don't have the answer for even for me, but I do feel the need to do something more! I agree with your mom that you are ''one great lady". Keep us on our toes Ren!
THANK YOU! I'm awaiting your next post to see what to do. I know we do small things, but I'd like to be doing more. And I'd like my children to see us doing more. But how and what? We joined an action group (www.oneheart.org I think) which we like. But we have so much abundance - how/what is appropriate when others are living such as this.
haha- i love that the ad underneath this post is how many shopping days till christmas.
yes, it is a very important discussion. and i am inadequate in experience and years to give good advice. but i do feel like it is far too easy to fall one way or the other, and more difficult to find a balance.
let me know when you figure it out for all of us : ).
Reni- i wasn't prepared for crying when I looked at your blog.
We can find the answer in the bible. Right? We live on 80% of what we earn saving 10% and giving 10%. God/heavenly father/the fist source/spirit -what ever you want to call it -has given us clear direction on how to live. The greater the abundance I create in my life the more I am able to give so I don't look at creating wealth for myself as taking what is more than I need but as a greater ability to share. Would I love to do more? YES!!
I am continually trying to find ways to give more.
I have had the ability to meet and spend time with an amazing woman who is a millionaire and is doing amazing work in India building schools and homes. She said, "once the money is there the money doesn't matter. It's how you get to help others that makes such a huge difference."
So lets all get rich, not so we can have more- but so we can give more!!
Lately, I've been thinking about how I need to be more grateful, too. My Mexico-returned-missionary husband always reminds me of how much we have compared to the rest of the world. I am sometimes scared of prosperity.
Reni- On a totally unrelated note, (and I hope you don't mind) I found this blog that was showing pictures of thier house and it looked like your old house. I would have emailed you but I can't seem to find your email anywhere.
The blog is:
http://robandmarseillestephenson.blogspot.com/
Am I right?????
-Talie
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